The emotional toll of farming

When I first started looking into starting my farm, I was able to find quite a few resources on planting stock, timing, appropriate climates, livestock, feed, and the plethora of other items that came up over the course of my research. What didn’t come up was how to prepare mentally for the task of running a farm or how hard it would be emotionally. Perhaps some of my struggles stem from the fact that I am an autistic, ADHD woman, who struggles with perfectionism, starting too many tasks at once, taking failure too personally, and struggles with executive function. While some of these traits maybe unique, or amplified, in AuDHD individuals, I believe they are common to a lot of people, especially women. Three areas in which I particularly struggle are financial stress, task management and animal management.

I think everyone knows that farming is hard, particular on a budget. There is always a need for more money, to improve animal spaces/housing, improve fencing, fix equipment, etc. Granted, I am at the beginning of my farming journey, and I created a farm from scratch, so my needs are very different from those of someone with a well-established farm. However, I think that trying to figure out how the farm can make more money, trying to get loans for operating expenses, and trying to figure out how to cover major, unexpected expenses are issues every farmer encounters. While the mental gymnastics needed to brainstorm and try to come up with solutions is not physical work, it is just as exhausting. While I wish I could say I had this one figured out, it is still a work in progress. My best advice is to work through the problems/ideas as systematically as possible and give yourself grace to rest and take breaks. It’s harder work than it seems like from the outside!

I am a certified Project Manager with over 15 years of project management experience and even I struggle with task management on the farm. I make list after list after list. The number of tasks to be done are overwhelming and often grow exponentially. I have learned that celebrating the small victories is critical. I break down each task into steps and celebrate the completion of each step…this helps me to want to continue working on the task. Every week or two I make a master list of all the tasks in each area, so I don’t lose track of any of the lower priority tasks (I am very out of sight, out of mind). Also, I try to be realistic when choosing tasks for work days. I would rather plan on doing 1 or 2 things and get those done, than plan on doing 5 things and feel like I failed. To be honest, task management can feel like an avalanche that is about to bury you. This makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry. When this task paralysis happens, I try to get just one thing done. After that, I’ll just get one more thing done, and I do this until I’m able to move past the overwhelm and get back to a fully functioning state.

My farm animals are the banes of my existence and the loves of my life. I currently have 3 goats, 2 livestock guardian dogs, a flock of chickens and a flock of guinea fowl. So much money, so much work, so many tears, so much sweat, so much blood (the scars are real!), so many laughs, so many cuddles, and so much love. When it goes right, it feels so good. When you’ve done everything you can do and it still goes wrong, the pain is acute. I have not yet found a technique to lessen this pain, if there even is one. You love as hard as you can and you try as hard as you can and when you lose, you feel that loss and grieve and move on because everyone else is counting on you.  

Farming, owning natural land, homesteading is hard. Building animal shelters and hauling 50lb feed bags is hard. Keeping goats out of chicken food is damn near impossible. However, it is the weight on my heart and mind that are the hardest to bear. Just like we make it a priority to take care of our animals every day, we must also make it a priority to take care of ourselves. We must take the time for the things that replenish our souls, so that we have the energy and fortitude to keep giving to the animals and land in a way that they deserve. Stewards of the land pay a high cost, one that I will gladly pay, for the future holds the rewards that will continue well into the morrow.

the road ahead…

I just wanted to layout some of the broad stoke plans that are currently under way here at the farm. Please keep in mind that our goal is to have a synergistic relationship with the forest, so the first few years, we are trying various things, in an attempt to figure out what works best, for both us and the land.

·      Goats will be arriving in late June. We are bringing them on a bit earlier than we had anticipated, but Billy Bob and Charlene are getting a bit bored by themselves, so they will be happy to have some small friends to look after. Hopefully, next year, I will be able to start making goat milk soaps and lotions.

·      Chicks and keets (baby guinea fowl) will be here in July. I have ordered some very special chicks, different breeds but all a lovely lavender color and show quality. Not only will we have fresh eggs, but hopefully we will be able to sell the baby chicks. The guinea fowl will with tick and flea management.

·      Mushroom logs were inoculated in the fall of 2023 and should be fruiting in summer and fall of 2024. The first logs I did were rishi, lion’s mane, and turkey tail. Once harvested and dried, we will sell them, unprocessed and dried, so that people can make their own tea and tinctures.

·      I will be opening a Esty shop shortly. I am hoping to get in some trails and to start to thin out area of the forest floor, which is quite over grown. Rather than just rip out plants, I am hoping to sell any valuable plants/rootlets via my Etsy shop and eventually directly through this website.

·      This forest is full of mature sugar maples, so this winter we are going to do our first tree tapping and see how it goes. Depending on the results, we may expand our tapping efforts next year and begin producing small batches of maple syrup.

·      We are continuing to plant medicinals in the forest, as stock becomes available. We have a small batch of goldenseal, false unicorn and hope to have bloodroot in shortly.

·      Of course, in addition to the farm work, we have the Spartan (Daisy Mae) renovation and upgrades ongoing. Within the next year, I hope to have most of the Spartan work completed and the utility systems (solar, rainwater, propane) set up. Additional work will likely continue for another year, but I hope that Daisy Mae will be livable by early 2025.

The next few years will be transformative for us here at Woodvale. We are excited about the journey to come and hope that you are too!

in the beginning…

Life has a funny way of taking you where you need to go. In March of 2022, I was involved in a devastating, out-of-the blue break up. As it turns out, that is the paradigm shift that would change everything. At the time of the break up I had one dog, but just over a year later, I would find myself, my two dogs and a cat and our 30-foot RV, ensconced on our 12-acere hardwood forest paradise.

For those curious about our setup, we are sans any utility connections here. We are 100% on solar power. I went with an Ecoflow system because it was plug and play and honestly I wasn’t very educated on solar and I needed something simple. I hope to upgrade the system in the next year. For non-potable water, we typically pump it from the creek. As the creek is quite a distance from the homestead site, this can become quite a chore. I am in the process of transitioning to a rain water collection system, which should meet most of our needs. For sewage, I currently use a dry toilet, but will be transitioning to a propane incinerating toilet in the future.

I think that most people assume that I know what I am doing, after all, it has been a year and we are all still alive. Please do not make that mistake! While I do consider myself reasonably intelligent and I have project management experience, nothing could have prepared me for this journey. I often tell people who ask me how I do it…I plan and I try and I fail and then I try again until I figure it out. Some days are magical and some days are hard, and some days are really, really hard. But even on the worst days, I know in my soul that this is where I am meant to be and Woodvale is what I am meant to be doing. I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything.  

And so here we begin. I don’t know what is ahead for us, but it is bound to be an adventure! We would love for you to be a part of our journey!